Saturday, February 24, 2007

The Immaculate Ape

An ape child is born immaculately. That is to say that his mother, who is in a cage with seven other males, has not had sexual intercourse with any of them. This takes a while to prove and is proved only when they thoroughly check that every male in the cage has had a vasectomy. So, the ape child is born of a virgin mother. For a while, things seem somewhat normal. And then he begins escaping from his cage and no one has any idea how. They have cameras, but the cameras short out, just as he approaches the door. He visits other animals, even dangerous ones, and they leave him alone. The zookeepers see him, at one point, skittering across a lake full of alligators. They're sure he must be stepping on the heads of the alligators (because surely he couldn't walk on water!) but they realize that the ape IS walking on water. So basically, the ape has many of Christ's attributes and it proves that evolution is real, it proves all sorts of things that I don't have time to write right now. But I'll get back to this.


Andrew said...

Monkey Christ! This is an awesome idea.

A sickly penguin at the zoo is healed miraculously when Monkey Christ touches it. The penguin now follows him around everywhere (because Monkey Christ let's it out of it's cage all the time). Monkey Christ has his first apostle.

Would the show/movie focus on the human zoo keepers or the monkey?

Maybe it could focus on the zoo keepers but every once in a while the monkey's perspective can be seen and he can talk. Talking animals always makes me laugh.

Ben said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ben said...

there's definitely some room here to place evolution next to creationism.. though how we'd show the ape's evolution would be tricky.. maybe that's too serious a subject for a comedy anyway. I definitely like this christ monkey idea though. Maybe we can have Christ monkey eventually find a way to escape the zoo with hopes of teach his word to humans, but despite his noble intentions, people grow frightened and decide to put him in a lab where they extract his dna for research, and they eventually take his powers away from him (a metaphor for crucifixion) and return him to the zoo.. again.. perhaps too depressing for a comedy... maybe when they return him to the zoo he slips on a banana peel and we play a "BONK" sound effect.. that would be good for a few laughs.

Andrew said...

haha Ben the BONK effect is hilarious. That would all be in one episode. All seems to be going wrong and then to top it off he pulls a cliche and slips on a banana peel and a BONK noise plays and a crappy laugh-track cues in the background.

The next episode he has his powers back and there is no explanation of how.

If foresee this tv show being on the BBC.